"Who Invented Relatives?"

My father used to hum it...I first started hearing the humming when I was very young. I think I was barely 6 years old when I first heard him hum the song...and all I hear were a few words in between the humming saying-- "Who invented relatives...relatives...relatives. Who invented relatives?". Anyway, years later I had the courage to ask him, for I noticed him humming only when some relatives would visit us or after they have left. He let me in on a secret...he said he heard this while he was stationed at the Clark Air Force Base in Pampanga, Philippines where he worked as an accountant. During breaks he would hang out with the American soldiers stationed there. He said that one of the soldiers would sing this silly song and he asked him why. The soldier said that every time he received a letter from the U.S. it would always contain some issues or problems caused by family members or relatives. The soldier, whose name has eluded my memory, would sing the song out of frustration to make light of things. Since then, the song stuck with my father and he would hum it if there were relatives from his or my mother's side visiting. He hummed it more when my mother's side would come, and I cannot really say that I blame him. You see, more often than not, they would only visit when they needed something or when they were in some kind of trouble-- mostly financial. My mother, bless her heart, was the shoulder to cry on. I have never heard her say no to anyone in need-- related or not. My father, however, was different. His words of wisdom would consist of "Charity begins at home", "Work hard so you do not have to beg", "To each his own", and "I am not my brother's keeper". I know of a lot more quotable quotes from my father, some with a hilarious twist. You see he had a great sense of humor and he loved to deliver his punchlines to us and we would have a great laugh at them. All of his children had inherited this sense of humor from him...and I am glad to say, even my mother had a knack for jokes as well. Anyway, although my father was like that to other relatives, he treated his own brothers and sisters in a special way. When they were in need, he would provide. In other words, the humming did not apply to his immediate family members.

Going back to this relative thing...it should work both ways. Although, I have can't recall anything that my parents asked others for help or support when they were alive, but I always recall relatives asking us for help, and most of whom I only saw come for a visit because they were in need. There were some who visited because they truly missed us, but most came and visited to ask for help then disappeared for a long time until they needed help again. Don't get me wrong, I cannot fault my relatives for doing that. I know how hard it may have been for them to ask for help. My mother used to say when she was still alive-- "At least we are not at the opposite end. We are the ones giving and not the ones asking. God blesses those who are giving without waiting for anything in return." Ah... the wisdom of my mother still fresh on my mind.

As I grew older, with a job of my own, my sister or brothers would come to me for help. In my family, whoever is doing well at the moment of calamity, that person would help out the others who are in need. It is an unwritten rule. That is what a family is about. No questions asked...even before one could utter the words, we already know what each others needs are. It is like our umbilical cords are intertwined...we know each others pains and heartaches. The one who lends would insist that there is no need to pay him or her back...but, the one who borrows will insist on doing so. However, time passes by and no payment will happen as none was expected in the first place. I think this is what we Filipinos call "Ang utang ng kapatid sa tubig nakalista" translated as the debt of a sibling is only listed on water. This is so true for most families...and I am lucky I grew up with one. Although, more often than not I was the one giving...I never count the amount how many times nor how much do they owe me. My oldest brother would keep tabs on how much they owe me and I would say, I lost count and I never listed anyway...therefore I never expected any payment. It is what family is all about.

Unfortunately, such is not the case for every family. I am not here to compare nor am I here to pass any judgment. In some families, especially those influenced heavily by the western culture...a debt is a debt or a debt is a business transaction no matter what. It is hard to think how my siblings or my family could have survived have we implemented this philosophy. And how could my father's or mother's relatives be able to buy medications for a sick family member or put food into their tables if my parents were not generous in giving? As if, other than the blood relations we have, we are no different from others. I grew up thinking that a family is always there when you need them. When there is no one else to turn to-- your family will be your sounding board, your cushion. You watch each other's backs and you support each other no matter what. You would even be willing to risk your life and break the rules for your family...that is how a family should be. I think that is just the way life is...it is not always fair and not everyone is the same. I am also not here to change the world or force my beliefs and my upbringing. I do believe that there is an inherent human kindness in all of us. I would hate to think that animals treat each other better than most human beings do. And, far worse, I hate to think that humans treat animals better than they treat their fellow human beings.

So...to answer the song my father used to sing..."Who invented relatives?"-- I think God invented relatives, for He knew that when no one else can help...then your own family should pull you through. Others who do not understand may think of this to be a sort of abuse of blood relations. I have to disagree...I think it is a privilege and there are consequences when abused, just like any privileges. For you'll never know, when the wheel starts to turn and you will be on the opposite end begging for help. Therefore, it is hard to abuse knowing that nothing in life is certain. It is a win-win situation...scratch my back and I will scratch yours.

Now I am humming...although not as sarcastically as my father's humming...for now I am glad and I am proud to have relatives who, I know someday when I finally be the one in need, will be there for me too.






------------------------Entry for April 3rd, 2009------------------------



Happy 40th Birthday to my beloved husband- Patrick Borlongan. May you have more years to come. Jessica and I love you so much!